Post by Thalion, the Cantankerous on Aug 20, 2004 20:25:03 GMT -5
One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to
die. To sort things out, everyone went to heaven. God came in and said, "I
want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women
on earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time
God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in
the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became
angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in
my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my
sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
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A Baptist man lived in a traditional Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday,
the Catholics were driven crazy because, while they were eating fish, the
Baptist was outside barbecuing steaks. The Catholics worked on the
Baptist, attempting to convert him to Catholicism. Finally, after much pleading and
some threats, the Catholics succeeded. They took the Baptist to a priest
who sprinkled Holy Water on the man while saying, "Born a Baptist, Raised a
Baptist, Now a Catholic!"
The Catholics were ecstatic but this was short-lived for, the next Friday
evening, the scent of barbecue once again drifted through the
neighborhood.
The Catholics all rushed to the ex-Baptist's house to remind him of his
new diet. They found him standing over the cooking steaks, sprinkling water on
the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish!"
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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
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We've been notified by Building Security that there have been 4 suspected Terrorists working at our office. Three of the four have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the office. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
die. To sort things out, everyone went to heaven. God came in and said, "I
want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women
on earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time
God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in
the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became
angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in
my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my
sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A Baptist man lived in a traditional Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday,
the Catholics were driven crazy because, while they were eating fish, the
Baptist was outside barbecuing steaks. The Catholics worked on the
Baptist, attempting to convert him to Catholicism. Finally, after much pleading and
some threats, the Catholics succeeded. They took the Baptist to a priest
who sprinkled Holy Water on the man while saying, "Born a Baptist, Raised a
Baptist, Now a Catholic!"
The Catholics were ecstatic but this was short-lived for, the next Friday
evening, the scent of barbecue once again drifted through the
neighborhood.
The Catholics all rushed to the ex-Baptist's house to remind him of his
new diet. They found him standing over the cooking steaks, sprinkling water on
the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
We've been notified by Building Security that there have been 4 suspected Terrorists working at our office. Three of the four have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the office. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.